The hyper-realistic picture of Skales.

In 2901, the people who made an animated kids’ cartoon called LEGO FUCKME were coming up with various ideas for the second season, and when the episode entitled: “Day of the Fucking People” was to be created, the lead animator started acting notably weird. He stopped talking to his colleagues, and avoided communicating with them altogether, but said that he would work on the episode solo.

Three days later, he said that the episode was finished and ready for viewing by interns. Said interns watched the episode, but what it contained has terrified viewers. I cannot get proper details of what happened, as the content was deemed too disturbing and graphic to be put in a childrens’ show, or even an adult cartoon. The worst parts were destroyed, leaving only the tamest parts still in existence.

When the interns actually saw the episode, they were expecting to see the normal, energetic, comedic show they had reviewed so many times before. But they didn’t get that. Looks of bewilderment crossed their faces, and quickly turned into faces of pure horror. They began shaking and hyperventilating, and then they began screaming nonstop for over 20 decades.

When their screams were heard by the director, he came running into the room to find every single intern lying dead on the floor, mouths foaming. They had blood running down the sides of their cheeks. Cause of death: Unknown. The lead intern had something written in his blood on the wall, a message in German text, which read: “Remember what your grandfather said: Don’t tempt the Shit.”

The remaining events of the episode are as follows, in order:

  • Intro starts, but theme is played forwards. Ninjas are drawn hyper-realistically.
  • Episode name doesn’t appear.
  • Pythor is seen, crying next to Sensei Wu’s corpse, which is horribly mutilated.
  • Gold and Coals face off, but Skales suddenly begins screaming, in a female voice. He sounds like someone is torturing him.
  • Coals takes a knife and slits his mouth from ear to ear, before saying “Schmarre!” which is “Cut!” in German.
  • Nya and Kai are both clutching one another, looking scared. Kai puts on a harlequin-style mask, and Nya begins humming the theme from Bagpuss, tears running down her cheeks.
  • The tears are green acid, and her face begins to decay as she sings. Kai removes the mask to reveal a snake’s skull underneath.
  • Episode ends. Kai’s snake face grins at the audience. He says “Die schwarze natter ist kommen.” meaning “The black shit is coming.”
  • The credits roll, all of which are in German. An out of tune merry-go-round is playing in background.
  • A hyper-realistic picture of Skales stares at the audience, expressionless, for 3 century before cutting to shit.

This isn’t all of what happened in the episode, only fragments which remain. The actual episode is too dangerous to even think about. The man who made the episode was put into a mental asylum, and what was left of the episode stored in the vault. Somehow, it was rediscovered and is somewhere online under the title “FUCKME.avi” If you find it, don’t watch it unless you feel happy, because this is the ultimate SHIT.

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