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Despicable Me: Director's Cut

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"This story has similarities with "Shrek: Director's Cut" and "Mr. Peabody and Sherman: Director's Cut" creepypastas. I just wanted to point that out before people go "HURRR DURRR YOU JUST COPIED SHREK: DIRECTOR'S CUT AND MR PEABODY AND SHERMAN: DIRECTORS CUT" CREEPYPASTAS". And also, this only made up. This really isn't supposed to scare you anyway. I made this just for fun. ^-^" Sure, pal. Whatever helps you sleep at night.-ToonLinkMinions11 A.K.A: MinionsYesCarrieUnderwoodNo

"Actually, I thought Id edit this pasta to make it a little scarier, also for fun ^-^ Anyways, Enjoy." - Hayden Boggs

The PastaEdit

Lets go back to the year 2010 shall we?

Remember Despicable Me? That film caused a lot of buzz, and I happen to be a huge fan of the film like everyone else. Also, One of my favorite characters in the series is the Minions, because they are small, yellow, cute, funny, banana loving creatures. And jeez I love the Minions! :) You know, they should make a Despicable Me 3 because the series is so Awesome!

But unfortunately though, there was a unreleased director's cut of the 1st film.

It all started with me playing Despicable Me: Minion Rush on my iPod, then I got bored and went on my computer. I remembered recently from my friends about director's cut of the film, and I started looking for it. I tried contacting the people who worked on the film, via emails or phone calls, but I never got a response or I only got an answering machine.

My last resort was contacting Pierre Coffin, the person who directed Despicable Me and Despicable Me 2. I managed to get on a Skype interview with him, and I asked him general questions like "Where did you get the idea for this film?" and "What did you think of the finished film?" and whatnot. So when I finally asked him about the purported "Director's Cut", he just fell silent. I could see his face going pale. He proceeded to tell me, "Oh, please. I don't think you should look for it. Sorry." He hung up the call right then, and I just sat at my desk, confused. I went to bed.

The next day, I tried emailing Mr. Coffin about the Director's Cut, in an attempt to find out more. I managed to get a response exactly forty-five minutes later! The email said: "I'm not sure if seeing it is a very good idea, but I'll let you have it, as long as you give me your address so I'll be able to send it to you. Just like everything else you see, the following that you will see in this will definately become one of your permenant memories." I was unsure if I really wanted to see the Director's Cut at this point, but hey, morbid curiosity got the best of me. So I sent back another email with my address and a "thanks".

About a week later, I received a package from Mr. Coffin himself. It was the Director's Cut DVD... strangely it had the exact same design as the regular Despicable Me DVD. Boy, that was weird. Anyways, I was so overjoyed, I grabbed my DVD player, went to go get some popcorn and some lemonade, then I put in the disc, sat down, and was ready to watch the director's cut. Little did I know, my dreams of this film were yet to be crumbled (well, pretty much) when I pressed the play button. Oh, no. I shouldn't have done that, but since this got the best of me because of that I'm a Despicable Me fan, I actually did.

But still, if only I would take that back.

The Universal and Illumination Entertainment logos were normal, But the intro of the film was different. You know the part where Vector steals Great Pyramid of Giza? Well, the shot just... stays there. It just froze on the Egyptian desert. The camera didn't move at all. You couldn't even hear the music, or the voices. It was just total silence. Strange, but I didn't even care.

After about two minutes, it cut to the scene of Gru and the girls (Margo, Edith and Agnes) arrive at Vector's fortress and Gru manages to steal the shrink ray, along with two of his Minions. Wow, this appears to be pretty late in the film. Again, it was dead silence. However, It cut to static for about a minute, but again it was silent. The weird thing is that I could make out some sort of video in the static...

It looked like Vector standing over the girls and he (somehow) tore open their chests and ate their Organs! Aw, Sick! I nearly vomited, but after the video clip ended, the film cut to the scene where Gru went to the rocket ship, but again it was silent.

It soon got to the scene of where Gru is shrinking the moon. As the moon was shrinking, the screen fades into static. This time there was no hidden video thankfully, and it was just regular static. It cut to the scene of Gru rushing to the girls Ballet Recital to pick them up, But Vector kidnaps the girls and takes them to his fortress. However the scene went on longer than I expected...

It showed Gru finally getting to the girls' ballet recital the girls weren't there. (Like in the actual movie) And then, for no reason, rather than reading Vectors note, Gru leaves the Recital and he begins to cry. Not like cartoon crying, but actual real person crying. Also, his tears were hyper-realistic. Then he grabs a gun and shoots himself, Causing hyper-realistic blood drops to fall. This emotionally effected me greatly, as Gru was one of my favorite characters!

Finally, It then cut to Gru saving the girls, where Vector reneges on the deal, flying off with the girls and the moon, much to Gru's anger. The disturbing thing is... this scene just keeps on going over and over again. Finally it was over, and the scene was about to end. Only this time, the main characters didn't succeed, which broke my heart. Vector thenGru and Margo began to fall and they exploded blood and gore when they hit the ground. Then, Vector kills Edith, Agnes, Dr. Nefario, and the Minions, then he destroys Gru's ship. Then he was crying, the same way as Gru. Then he flies over to his fortress and destroys it, and then he flies to a nearby volcano and he jumps out of his ship. As he was in the magma, he was burning to ashes and then, he dies. So much for him killing the protagonists. Also stealing the Great Pyramid of Giza. Poor everyone...

Anyways, Instead of the credits rolling, there was just a black screen, with the Giygas theme playing for 30 seconds. And a bloody message saying,

"Adbandon Hope and Thy God. The dead has risen, And you be the next to die. Hail Satan."

I couldn't take it anymore.

I took out the disc, destroy it, and I shoved it into the DVD shredder. Hasta lavista!

I am NEVER gonna buy any of the bootleg discs like this. I had nightmares about the disc for almost a week. And then I put all of my Despicible Me stuff in a box for about a week! But at least I'm still a huge Despicable Me fan much like everyone else. The original movie aired on ABC Family one day. But as I sat there for 25 seconds, there was a whisper behind me:

"Play with me..."

I turned around and it was a minion plushie, with blood red eyes, smiling.

I grabbed it, threw it out the window, and shouted at him, "Leave me alone! I have no time to play!" and I watched the plushie evaporate into thin air.

If you ever see a copy of Despicible Me: Director's cut, please, for the love of God, JUST LEAVE IT ALONE AND DESTROY IT! AAAAARGH! >:(

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